what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize