Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize