So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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