I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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