How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
there's paper in my vomit.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Randomize