Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Randomize