I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
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