Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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