I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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