If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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