i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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