I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
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Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
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I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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