so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize