The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
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For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
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I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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