Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
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How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
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i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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