mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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