im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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