I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
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