Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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