my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
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I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
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I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My penis needs a shock collar
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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