I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
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I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Found your dick twin last night
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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