Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize