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He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
- (859): The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow http://t.co/sQOeFAaf
- (270): him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
- (627): The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
- (402): Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
- (724): A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
- (303): Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
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