I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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