dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
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he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
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I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
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