you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize