I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
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