They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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