I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize