first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize