dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize