You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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