I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
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I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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