from now on my penis is your penis
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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