I'm laying in your front yard are you home
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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