I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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