apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
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She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
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There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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