Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
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i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
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Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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