It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
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My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
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I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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