This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You are the jesus of drinking
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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