I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
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she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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