youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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