I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize