I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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