dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
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We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
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I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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