In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
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My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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