i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize