"it" just moved
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
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Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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