at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
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Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
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He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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