She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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