When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize